10 signs you’re obsessed with silver hair

First it was the silver hair. Now it’s the clothes, accessories and makeup.

I’ve hit peak silver. I’m one sequinned shoulder pad away from being a member of Kiss on the 1977 ‘Love Gun’ tour.

The obsession started gently, at the beginning of my transition: a folder on my phone of inspirational images, browsing websites and social media for ideas on #silverhair. You can read about it here: https://shinyhappysilver.com/2022/04/14/month-by-month-preface/

A week later, and I’d joined every social media group containing the words grey/gray/silver. This ranged from groups about going grey with grace, to sexy silver foxes/vixens/skunks – along with a cutlery manufacturer from Sheffield.

Not to mention the ‘Fifty shades of Grey’ private Facebook group that left little to the imagination.

Becoming a silver hair bore

Within weeks, my phone’s screensaver moved from a photograph of my children on the beach, to a picture of a silver hair influencer. I even purchased extra phone storage to contain the albums of selfies I acquired.

Any mention of the word ‘grey’ and my ears would prick up like my cat Bella at the rustle of a bag of ‘Dreamies’.

There was a time I avoided social gatherings for fear of my roots betraying me. Now, I couldn’t wait to show these silver beauties off. My main topic of conversation was hair, boring anybody who’d listen with tales of demarcation lines and bubblegum pink scalps.

“I’m growing out my silver don’t you know?”

Bob, from the compliance team at work, regretted skipping that seminar on policies and procedures when I cornered him by the photocopier to discuss the pros and cons of purple shampoo.

Wed to my silver hair

My husband winced as I played another YouTube video on how to ‘slay the gray.’ His score on the subsequent quiz I administered was shockingly low for a man who’d sat through hours of silver influencer reels.

It dawned on me that I might love my silver more than my husband. Forget Mr Grey. I fantasise over Ms. Grey. I don’t want a Red Room, I want a Silver Room with all my special toys, like PVC shower caps and hair lube.

A few months in, and my husband suspected foul play. Just who was this Jack Martin? Why did Arctic Fox 79 want to see pictures of my parting? Why did random men on Instagram, who assured me they were military generals and exotic princes, want to get into my DMs?

Obsessed with silver hair

It’s 1am and I’m tapping away with my freshly painted silver nails on my phone’s Facebook app, under the covers, when I accidently click on a saved video. Nikol Johnson’s ‘How I Style my Gray Hair’ video begins to play. https://youtu.be/Kp9blwPDXZo

Husband ( awakes, confused): “What’s going on? Who are you messaging?”

Me: (miffed that I can’t watch Nikol work her bob magic – for the 89th time): “Nobody. I’m trying to earn my visual storyteller badge on the ‘Silver Hairs and Graces’ Facebook group. I’m reassuring a new member that we all walk around for a bit looking like a seagull pooed on our heads.”

Husband: “Why are you sharing intimate pictures?”

Me: “I’m just sharing my silver hair transition journey album and it’s taking a while to add the 297 images from month one.”

Husband: “There’s a picture of you in the shower, naked with the caption: ‘how do you like them apples?”

Me: “Firstly, I’m demonstrating how to use an Apple Cider Vinegar rinse. Secondly, I must have forgotten to click ‘save’ after editing the picture down to just my face.

“Thirdly, I might have accidentally shared the naked picture to the 23 million followers of the ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ Facebook Page, instead of the ‘My Grey story’ group.”

A self-appointed expert on silver hair

Within months, I became a self appointed authority on silver hair.

One hairdresser was schooled by me in the grey hair movement AND Curly Girl Method simultaneously.

I interrogated her over the contents of the salon’s shampoo. Did it contain sulfates? What about TEA-Dodecylbenzenesulfonate? They’re banned you know, banned! Oh, and could she please diffuse my hair with a sieve?

I see silver everywhere. It’s in my dreams, my wardrobe, TV: “Look! Emma Thompson’s been on ‘Late Night with Seth Myers’ with grey hair!” I tell my friends, children’s teachers, and Ocado delivery man. This is a show we don’t even get in England, yet I have tracked it down and saved it to my video file.

When your wardrobe matches your mood

My wardrobe, once black, is now teaming with bright colours. I also own so many grey and silver items that I could audition for a role in the new Star Wars film.

If Helen Mirren can lark about in a sequinned bodycon dress, then so can I. In a charity shop, I squeeze into a size 8 silver lame slip dress. Who cares that I’m a size 14 and lumpy?

“You look like a boiler heater jacket” my mother says, just as I’m contemplating converting the silver ironing board cover into a pair of cullottes.

When I was 13, I became friends with a gorgeous French exchange student called Soraya, who only wore purple, in homage to Prince, including a stunning London Fog trench coat and matching lip gloss.

I followed suit, in a vivid purple C&A ski jacket, teamed with purple eyeshadow on my eyes, cheeks and forehead, aiming to copy Grace Jones’ makeup. “Look, it’s Violet Beauregarde!” somebody called out.

Next came the goth era, when only black would do. My face was caked in talcum powder and red lipstick smeared my lips. I even got my nose pierced, only I lost the stud in a bowl of Minestrone soup when my hayfever kicked off.

Is this just another fad?

Have I regressed to teenage colour fads? I’m 50 next year, so why am I asking the human statue in the centre of town where he got his metallic silver jacket from?

While it’s lovely to have a hobby, at what point will I return to normality? Or will I simply embrace the silver to the extent that I change my name by deed poll to Lady Grey?

I hope I am not alone, and that my silver sisters will recognise the warning signs and understand my overzealousness.

I’m excited about my grey hair after years spent avoiding it, hiding it, despising it.

Im sure this phase will fade, like the last remnants of the Medium Brown dye, now the shade of dehydrated yellow.

Ten signs you’re obsessed with silver hair

1. You approach random strangers in the supermarket to tell them how great their silver is. Only to be greeted with a quizzical look and escorted off the premises by the security guard.

2. You’re invited on holiday and your first thought is: ‘where can I purchase a 1950s floral swimming cap and wide rimmed sun hat?’

Covering silver hair with a swimming cap

3. You become an expert on photography, sneaking out to the car at dawn when the natural lighting works best. In order to truly capture that silver, you trade your car in for one with a sun roof – and a personalised number plate: ‘S5II VER’.

4. You mourn the passing of those brave silver hairs, lost needlessly to hairbrushes, glasses or jewellery.

5. You have a recurring nightmare that the demon barber straps you to the chair and liberally slaps permanent ‘Mahogany’ dye to your hair. This is more disturbing that those dreams about teeth falling out or being back at school, naked.

6. A minor celebrity is growing out their silver. You ‘love’ every Instagram post until you are blocked and reported for replying: ‘I’m your number one fan. Can I send you a lock of my silver hair?’

7. Your best friends are now called ‘Whitehot’ and ‘Silvercrown’, fellow members of the ‘The Greytest Growout’ Facebook group. In real life, you begin referring to your friends and family as silver sisters. Even your dad.

8. You wonder if you can accessorise your look with pets. The Snow Queen’s sleigh was pulled by white horses. Perhaps you could make an entrance with a litter of silver tabby cats or a tinned pilchard named Gandalf.

9. At the opticians, you change your eyewear for silver rimmed or clear glasses. While perusing the novelty cat’s eye contact lenses, you ask the optician if they stock those in silver.

10. You start a website dedicated to silver hair.

7 comments

  1. I dye my hair to white/silver for a while now – I had 2 years break and from December I’m back to dying my hair white/silver. My mom hates the idea, but I have to admit – I never heard anything bad, lots of my friends told me that I look better than in my natural colour or blonde.

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